Really? Not so. Not with me, and not with the majority of people out there. Accepted, the family wants to shield the patient from the diagnosis to provide protection from the emotional backlash. But we are an intelligent group, patients these days; we want to know what we're dealing with. We need to come to terms with it, confront it head on. Then either let it overwhelm us or conqueror over it. It's our diagnosis.
It winded me, my big diagnosis. Certainly I was not expecting it. I was numbed for a while, for quite a while. The "why me?" syndrome inevitably crept in.I was treading on loose ground, loosing my feet in the mountain climb of happiness. I couldn't hold on to anybody. They were too weak, too vulnerable, too happy. How was I to show that I was affected?
In the end it had to come from myself to myself, the thoughts...
"You know what dude? You at least have got something with a hippy name attached. And you may accept it now for a fact, cause it's not going to change. All this bull about it can't be me can take a flying leap into the paper basket. Yah, we'd not smoked, done the liq. So it paid off eh, maybe it prolonged this from happening, or prevented any suffering. Maybe all our exercise with diet and meditation even squeezed in a few more golden years"
It took three months, this paradigm shift for me. Becoming a "why not me?". Becoming chummy with CML. Grinning at it's face. Welcoming it when it daily pops into life.
This is another Shift in the fabric... Blogging about it. Anoynymously even though.
That will be the last, having the confidence to stand up and yell "Yes, I'm me and I have CML!". I'm working at it.
Second of a series of posts archived "Genesis"
- Diagnosis
- Post-diagnosis
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